IC Inbox for Erku

[illicitly]

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	» Age: 30s » Species: Human » A5 Card: Open » Seeking: Companionship, mainly. Friends, allies, and lovers, also welcome. » Preferences: Likeminded men and women. Not too old, not too young. » Interests: Fashion, art, calligraphy, antiques, poetry, politics, astronomy, bird collection, strategy games, and erotic literature. » Bio: Single sect leader seeking potential wife and cultivation partner, sexual companionship, and business associates. Additional benefits available.
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	Nie Huaisang

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Text: UN: Lianfang-zun

[taintedpeony]

Nie Huaisang. We need to talk.

text; un: sectleadernie

[illicitly]

Good evening, Jin Guangyao. How may I be of assistance to you?

[taintedpeony]

Don't you dare give me the head-shaker routine. You know very well what this is about.

We have to talk about what happened.

[illicitly]

I never said that I did not know. I only asked what I could help you with.

I am not certain what there is to talk about. It was only a dream, was it not?

[taintedpeony]

You, as well as I know that those dreams have deeper meanings. Otherwise, I wouldn't have a square lit up with your name next to it.

'Messy' apparently if you were wondering.

If it is an auspicious act that was accepted by the Augur, it cannot be a dream. We must have had sex.

Hence, we need to talk.

[illicitly]

It means that we produced enough Eros energy to earn a reward from the Augur. Have you decided what you wish to spend yours on?

I am considering a quaint little house of my own. It's about time that I left these walls behind and started living my own life.

We are talking now, are we not?

[taintedpeony]

[Deep inhale.


Deep exhale.


He didn't care that his cultivation was low.


He was this close to just running in there and suplexing the man. What a brat.]

You're deflecting as if I don't know that you are.

I'm finishing Koi tower. Including the ancestral halls. I still need to build a proper memorial for A-Su.

But that is neither here nor there.

[illicitly]

[At the mention of his dead wife, Huaisang's face goes white, the stony mask he's worn since leaving the pods behind cracking. However, it doesn't crumble completely.]


If it's assistance with your wife's memorial that you require, I can provide aid. What materials do you need?

[taintedpeony]

I don't know.

Everything. It has only been a month and a few weeks. I don't even have incense sticks or a tablet. I'm going to have to fill squares for all of that.

...I should be wearing white.

The only thing in white I have is Xichen's underrobes.

Why would I want your aid?

[illicitly]

I will work to provide what materials that I can. I owe your wife that much, at least.

I can see what clothing I can find so that you will be able to mourn her properly. I believe there is a tailor in the city that may be of assistance in this area. I need to look into clothing for myself since I am in short supply. It would be a simple matter to add it my list of errands.

[taintedpeony]

[He really should go about looking for more clothing in general. He only had his single Jin sect clothing and Maid uniform.

He had taken into wearing Xichen's spare underrobes when moving around the UC. It felt safe and it smelled like him. He took comfort in what he could.]Okay.

[Does one say thank you? He can't really. It would be like Nie Huaisang thanking him for his aid after... Well knowingly doing so.]

What a fucking mess.

I think I need a vacation.

[illicitly]

[He doesn't expect forgiveness or gratitude. Helping him on this matter doesn't even have to do with soothing Jin Guangyao's anguish. No, it's about respecting and honoring Qin Su in death after his failure to do so in life. He can never undo the mistake he'd made by her or truly make it right but it would be even more wrong to simply sweep the matter aside and pretend he wasn't responsible for her death.]

I know the feeling.

I'll be taking an extended leave of absence from my position. I intend to leave the Unclean Realm to my brother. It belongs to him by right. There is little need for my presence or involvement in its matters at this point.

[The more distance he has from Jin Guangyao's little romance with the younger Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen in this world, the more peaceful their stay on the island will be.]

[taintedpeony]

I expected as much. You will have to inform Da-ge of that yourself. I am no longer taking care of Nie Sect matters that don't involve the mundane care of everyone.

[None of his business. He was just done having to run around for a decade at Huaisang's beck and call. His worst trait was that he ran himself ragged for whatever was needed of him. and Huaisang knew he loved being needed and used it as both a yoke and blinders. It was something he had to get a rein on if he wanted a better life.]

In any case, are we done deflecting?

[illicitly]

[He's not going to apologize for using whatever tactics he needed to protect himself from the killer he sought to bring to justice. He'd had Nie Mingjue dismembered, his soul torn asunder, and kept his head in a treasure room as a personal trophy for who knew how long. The very same head he's probably kissing goodnight while in bed with their sworn brother.

Huaisang hasn't forgotten that fact. That he hasn't gone directly to his brother with the information he knows about the man he's sleeping with is a generous mercy defying logic and sensibility. Still, he agreed to a truce and he'll continue to play nice.]

I'll inform my brother of my decision soon once I've secured a new place of residence.

I've yet to hear a good reason for why the matter should be discussed at all, Jin Guangyao. If you have one in mind, I would like to hear it.

[taintedpeony]

That's between you and him.

[There was a long moment where it looked as if he was typing. And then nothing.

Typing.


Nothing.]

You don't think that the fact that you said you loved me should be addressed? What am I even supposed to fucking do with that Nie Huaisang?

You know I am doing this new thing where I am trying to keep my emotions on my face and be more honest? How the fuck am I supposed to deal with that when it comes to your brother?

We need to talk about establishing boundaries so I don't let slip out the wrong information to him and then have you be pissy at me about it. We need to talk about what we do if something like that happens we'll have an established game plan in place.

This place is ridiculous and it'll keep being ridiculous and if we both just fucking hide from it it'll bite us in the ass later. And to be quite fucking truthful, if I'm being bitten on the ass I want it to be because I want it to happen.

If there is anything I've learned in the last two months of being here, is that sex is best when there are negotiations beforehand. I've set up boundaries in all my relationships. If we are going to have some semblance of control in ours we need to talk. While our own relationship is complicated, despite my better fucking judgment I actually do give a shit about what happens to you and your general wellbeing.

Old habits die hard I suppose.

[illicitly]

You are an adult, Jin Guangyao. How you manage your feelings and your relationships with other people is not my responsibility. It is time that you understood that every choice you make in life has consequences, both foreseen and unforeseen, and learned to cope with them on your own.

Have you already forgotten that you murdered my brother in cold blood right in front of me? That you had his body desecrated to cover up your crime? The same person making love to you here. Da Ge has no idea what the man he is sleeping with is capable of doing to him. No one here is because I have taken on the burden of keeping secrets for you here as well.

The fact that I am not telling Da Ge what you are or what you did to him before and after his death is a tremendous act of mercy toward you as it is. I show you compassion every moment that passes by that I do not speak to him about the full scope of who you really are.

You know how much he means to me. How much losing him destroyed me. You of all people understand how painful it is to be where I am. I put myself in this position for your sake, not mine. To honor the friendship we once had. To accept responsibility for the lives I've harmed or ended because of my own choices.

Yet you continue to push and test the limits of what mercy I am capable of giving you.

Don't you dare pretend to me that any of this has a thing to do with concern for my feelings.

So long as my brother remains safe, I will not interfere with your relationship with him and I'll go on lying so you can keep indulging in this little fantasy you have that things will work out between all three of you this time around.

As for what I said in the dream, you and I both thought we were other people at the time. What does it even matter. It's not like anything would ever come of it, anyway. It would be better for both of us to let it go. Dwelling on it further will only bring on more pain to both of us in the end.

[He hates typing on this stupid thing so that's one more thing he's doing for your benefit and not his own, Jin Guangyao.]

[taintedpeony]

Tell him. I won't wish to burden you with keeping my secrets after all.

I was planning to tell him myself. I've told him bits of it already.

But you won't.

I know you won't.


Do you know how I know?

Because you, Nie Huaisang are a fucking coward.

Do you really want to talk about the consequences of my actions to me Nie Huaisang? I have lived with the consequences every single fucking day of my life. I've lived my life having to make hard decisions as a child as a spy as a sect leader and as a leader of the cultivation world at large. This is a familiar demon for me.

But for you.

Oh, but for you, this guilt is a new one.

You are a coward, I killed Da-ge. I killed him for my safety and yours. I killed him because he was going to kill me sooner or later. Even though I loved him I knew he would. It was a matter of time. I killed and dismembered him with my own hands.

But you, wouldn't know what that is like. Your decisions were to convince people to kill themselves. What did Mo Xuanyu do to you to deserve having his soul destroyed? What did Qin Su do to you asides from having the misfortune of loving me? She was kind and sweet but you made her kill herself.


Their blood is on your hands. My blood is on your hands. You didn't even have the bravery of killing me yourself, you had to trick Er-ge to do it for you.

You won't tell your brother because you know that not only did you have to be me to get revenge. You had to be worse.

[illicitly]

Spare me the sob story.

I'm going to enlighten you about something I've observed about people who live in the real world, Jin Guangyao.

No one cares.

All they look at is what you do and what other people in your position have done in comparison and judge according to what they personally value.

Plenty of others have suffered similar misfortunes to yourself, Jin Guangyao. Many chose to walk a more righteous path than you did. Some even chose a righteous path because of the suffering they experienced.


[The jabs about Mo Xuanyu and Qin Su hurt but he accepts it. After all, Huaisang's well aware of the blood on his hands. The debt he owes to them but his decisions were not one of a criminal seeking to selfishly cover his tracks for his own benefit. But whatever steps to atone that Huaisang wants or needs to make have been derailed by this selfish bastard's need to make everything about his own suffering without respect or consideration for the lives of other people.]

Don't drag me down to your level. The errors of judgement and mistakes that I have made are not the same as the selfish choices you make. All you are doing is lying to yourself to avoid facing the reality of what you have done. You are lying to yourself now to evade responsibility for your actions and now you are dragging my brother into your willful depravity once more.

If you had any real sense of honor or decency in you, you would not have made advances on either of them. You would break it off and walk away from them both instead of inflict yourself on them. But you didn't and you won't because in the end, the only person who truly care about is yourself.

[He won't allow himself to be provoked into retaliating any further than this or getting sucked any further into the cesspool that is Jin Guangyao. He'd buried them both. His brother, twice now. He can't let himself fall back into those old obsessions that utterly destroyed everything that had been important to him.]

[taintedpeony]

All well and good.

I already know this about myself. What are you doing to better yourself? Do you like yourself Nie Huaisang? Was it justice?

You're still running. Like you always did.

If by any miracle of the gods you wish to actually come and take my life with your own hands for once as a proper Nie.

Let me know and I'll be happy to fight you.

I'll even leave Hensheng at home so it's remotely fair.

But when the Augur inevitably shoves us in that kind of situation again and you apparently just come from not even being touched by me.

Please don't fucking come to me.

I am done with it.

[illicitly]

[He has made his decision.]

Giving you a chance to redeem yourself at all.

Offering shelter and giving any support at all to the man who murdered my brother and locked me into this cage of duty and unhappiness for the rest of my life.

You ruined me and took away everything and everyone I ever loved. Yet I have shown you far more mercy and compassion than is owed to you.

I should be returning you to your grave yet I am not. However, this is still not enough to satisfy you.

Still, I will not fight you. I gave my word that I would give you enough freedom to better yourself and unlike you, I will honor mine.

If you are eager to face a Nie in combat, perhaps my brother will oblige you if you can overcome your own cowardice.

[taintedpeony]

Fuck you. Little Bird.

[He's tired and more outwardly angry than he had been since the night he had died. He hung up. He was going to take Hensheng to the training grounds and work it off.

He hated this. He had faced his corpse and chose his death. His death may not have been honorable but it was his.

He tried so hard to be civil. To welcome him back, to work for his keep. To keep the place running. But his labor never meant anything.

He made two decisions then.

1 He was going to tell Nie Mingue and Lan Xichen everything. If he wanted to kill him after this so fucking be it.
2 He was going to ward his home in Koi Tower and stay as far away from Nie Huaisang as possible. He was sick of him.]

[illicitly]

[Huaisang debates responding but thinks better of it. The cycle between them has to stop somewhere and if Jin Guangyao can't accept reality, then the task falls to him. He's well aware that the man will probably run and tell his brother and Lan Xichen about what had transpired between them in the dream.

But it's a consequence that he's prepared to live with.

In the meantime, he stares at the text before replying out loud to himself, just for the much needed carthasis.]

Fuck yourself, Demon King.

[air_head]

That's bad luck, you know.

[Shi Qingxuan has stirred awake a short while ago, willing himself back to sleep so as to catch the tail end of a quickly evaporating dream. Being gently and inadvertently jostled and moved about by an engrossed Nie Huaisang hasn't helped lull him back--which is his fault, really. He's the one with both arms firmly about the younger man's waist, head buried into his arm.

Qingxuan has been sleeping clamped to him every other night since his definite return.]

Don't invoke demons. What if a Calamity shows up here, of all things? The islands could definitely will it.

[illicitly]

[Huaisang hasn't minded the night's Shi Qingxuan's latched onto him in his sleep any more than he's minded his company during mealtimes or during his frequent drinking binges. He's always been a tactile person and the solid grip's been stabilizing as he's tried to get a grip on his own life again, in addition to the much needed comfort and balm he's needed for his loneliness. The man's delightful company and always has been a happy part of his life here, one he's found himself increasingly unwilling to let go of.

At his words, he can't help but smile a bit, kissing the top of Shi Qingxuan's head lightly and giving his hair a quick stroke.]

I'll remember that. I wasn't talking to an actual Demon King. Just a jerk who can't leave things well enough alone.

[His tone's significantly more clipped and cutting than it usually is. However, despite that, there's a pained vulnerability and sadness in his expression. Still, he kisses Shi Qingxuan again, resting his cheek against that fluffy hair.

He wants to believe that he deserves this, despite Jin Guangyao's words echoing in his mind.]

...I'm sorry, Shi-xiong. I didn't mean to wake you up.

[air_head]

Sounds like a demon king, alright. [Shi Qingxuan mumbles in response, melting at the touch. He surrenders to it like a puppy that's tuckered out from running around for too long. He's never bothered with healing his body after an enthusiastic night of drinking. After all, what a waste of spiritual energy would that be. And he's still young!

It's all what he's been doing lately, especially in the absence of his one other source of company. He hasn't seen Xiao Xingchen around, for some reason. Should he start worrying?]

Mmm. What were you doing? [He lifts himself up just enough to prop an inquisitive head on Huaisang's shoulder, as if he could come across an entrancing reveal from the comfort of their bed.]