[Huaisang watches and listens, the somewhat tired and blank expression he'd been wearing softening a little with sympathy around the edges. Hadn't he been the same once? During his own masquerade? The anxiety and inner disarray is oddly nostalgic to see. A faint, slightly bitter smile curves his lips at those all too familar words. Yes, he knows this state of being all too painfully well.
His next words are blunt. Those that do not understand his man or the situation he's in might consider them a little cruel but his intentions are kind in the way a hunter putting a trapped, mortally wounded animal out of its misery is kind. He might appear soft and timid but he's still a Nie.]
Yes, you are lying to them. Any close, intimate relationship you build with them has a foundation in deception, A-Yao, as long as they are in the dark. Your feelings may fool you into believing that there's hope for a future, regardless. That so long as your love and intentions are pure, that will be enough. But the chances of that working out for most people are slim, at best.
[He pauses to take a breath, absently twining his fingers more deeply into his sleeping companion's hair.]
What is your goal here, anyway? Why are you sleeping with them? Is it a means to an end? Is it because you love and want a genuine relationship with them? That's a fine line to walk and takes a level of self-discipline and control that appears beyond you.
[Despite what vestiges of that starry-eyed, idealistic youth remain, he's an adult now. A sect leader. And while Huaisang might not be qualified to teach saber cultivation, he can be a capable instructor in other areas when he puts his mind to it.]
If you want to turn back time and do it all over again, that's just a fantasy. Chasing an impossible dream. If you want to make amends with them... they're not the same Lan Xichen or Nie Mingjue that you know. Or I know for that matter.
no subject
His next words are blunt. Those that do not understand his man or the situation he's in might consider them a little cruel but his intentions are kind in the way a hunter putting a trapped, mortally wounded animal out of its misery is kind. He might appear soft and timid but he's still a Nie.]
Yes, you are lying to them. Any close, intimate relationship you build with them has a foundation in deception, A-Yao, as long as they are in the dark. Your feelings may fool you into believing that there's hope for a future, regardless. That so long as your love and intentions are pure, that will be enough. But the chances of that working out for most people are slim, at best.
[He pauses to take a breath, absently twining his fingers more deeply into his sleeping companion's hair.]
What is your goal here, anyway? Why are you sleeping with them? Is it a means to an end? Is it because you love and want a genuine relationship with them? That's a fine line to walk and takes a level of self-discipline and control that appears beyond you.
[Despite what vestiges of that starry-eyed, idealistic youth remain, he's an adult now. A sect leader. And while Huaisang might not be qualified to teach saber cultivation, he can be a capable instructor in other areas when he puts his mind to it.]
If you want to turn back time and do it all over again, that's just a fantasy. Chasing an impossible dream. If you want to make amends with them... they're not the same Lan Xichen or Nie Mingjue that you know. Or I know for that matter.
[A brief pause.]
Unless there's something else that you want?