illicitly | (Reply)

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[He'd expected this and on some level, the predictability of it is a strange comfort in and of itself. It makes it easier for Huaisang to distance himself, maintain that firm boundary between the physical and the emotional. He'd lost control of himself for a while, he's come to realize, letting his feelings start to become too entangled with the person, allowing his mind become too unfocused and his thoughts to be led astray. He'd gotten too comfortable and hoped for too much, despite always knowing deep down that it was never going to happen anyway.

Maybe this is all he's good for now, being shoved around, manhandled, or used to satisfy other people's desires if he's too paralyzed by fear, guilt, and grief to reach for anything more. Why not just indulge in meaningless, emotionless sex and call that companionship for a while?

Huaisang starts to respond a little less woodenly to Xue Yang, his body starting to stir a little more beneath the force with which he's being kissed and pinned, as his cock begins to stiffen slightly. His eyes shut as his hands fall to rest weakly on Xue Yang's shoulders before sliding up again to curl against the back of his neck.

Xue Yang might have come to him for rough sex but it seems like Huaisang's just not in the mood for that today and coaxing that out of him might take a lot more convincing.]