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[He lets himself be soothed, to lean into that touch, be comforted by that squeeze. There's wisdom in those words and Shi Qingxuan has years of experience he'll never have.]

I don't want to be that man anymore, Shi-xiong. He destroyed my life. Back home, I'm all alone. I have my disciples but they don't need me. I don't have any friends, not anymore. I've spent the past ten years pretending to be someone I haven't been in a long time.

[While the admission is quiet and sad, there's less raw anguish in his voice now. Just tired resignation and acceptance.]

The mistakes I made can't be undone but I want to atone for them. I want to set the wrongs I did right as much they can be. But those I hurt are beyond my reach now.

[Even if Huaisang had felt that Lan Xichen deserved an apology, the one here isn't the same man. Any act of contrition he gave would be empty and lacking true sincerity, a pale imitation of what it should be.]

I don't know what to do about Jin Guangyao anymore but I'm speaking with my brother tomorrow. I can't keep silent about him anymore. What Da Ge chooses to do from that point onward is his decision. After that I'm leaving the Unclean Realm, Shi-xiong. I've asked the Augur for a new residence separate from here.

[It's not the way Huaisang wanted to break the news to Shi Qingxuan but he had to tell him sooner or later.]