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I need to know I'm not insane. He acts as if I'm the unreasonable one for not accepting him back with open arms. For being angry that he's involved with Da Ge under false pretenses. For holding him accountable for everything he did before.

[Huaisang pauses, taking shaky breaths to try and steady himself. It's all been so much to deal with and it feels like he's barely begun to speak at all.]

He has so many dark secrets, Shi-xiong. Most people didn't know just how depraved he was. And he was the elected leader of the cultivation world back home. I still have nightmares.

[Nightmares that Shi Qingxuan has probably been privy to on occasion, given how often they've occurred and how frequently they've shared a bed. There's been times that Huaisang has woken up in a cold sweat to pour himself another glass of wine or cried for his brother in his sleep.]

I... I made errors in judgement trying to expose him. Some of them ended with people dying. I risked the lives of many uninvolved people and I'm not proud of some of the decisions I made. I was... cold. I stopped seeing people as people for a time. Before I came here, I've spent most of the past ten years alone with the truth of who and what he is.

[The tears are starting to slow a little as he just rests against Shi Qingxuan, letting himself be comforted and held for a change. Ever since that day, someone simply consoling him and showing care has taken on a darker meaning for him. But he's trying to get over that.]

Before all of this began, I really loved him a lot. We were so close, I thought. There was a time when I thought of him as my best friend.