illicitly | cw: mention of dismemberment (Reply)

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Not yet, Shi-xiong.

[The admission comes out soft and weary. Jin Guangyao's face had been the first one he'd seen upon returning to this world. He hadn't even had a chance to catch his breath or rest after the ceremony that was supposed to have been the end of all of this. Both his enemy and his brother were supposed to have been sealed away; the matter closed permanently. Huaisang was supposed to have the time and space he needed to sort through the many thoughts and feelings he'd boxed away for the past ten years in order to perform the task his new position as sect leader had demanded. As his status as Nie Mingjue's younger brother had demanded. ]

I had just put him to rest just before I woke up on the shore. My brother, too. I was completely exhausted when I saw him here. He was the first person I saw. I wasn't prepared to see him again. I was still out of sorts from everything. We talked and agreed that neither of us wanted to fight. We spoke of other things and it was almost like nothing had ever gone wrong between us. Like we were friends again.

[If they'd just left things as they were that night, maybe Huaisang could've forgiven him.]

He called me shortly after in the middle of the night to tell me that he'd slept with my brother here. Before we both arrived here, ten years ago he murdered my brother right in front ot me. He chopped up his body and hid it. Da Ge's soul was in pieces. It took me so long to find all of him again and put him to rest.

[His expression's far away, his eyes wet with tears as the painful memories of that experence come flooding back all at once. This wasn't how how he'd wanted to tell Shi Qingxuan. He'd hoped he'd be more stable, be able to explain himself clearly and calmly, but he already feels his resolve starting to crumble. Still, he forces himself to keep speaking.]

I won't attack him. I won't kill him. It's the best I'm able to do right now. I'm letting him redeem himself but I don't think he wants to change at all. He just wants to do what he wants without repercussions for it.

[He's losing focus, tears starting to slide down his cheeks. A tremor starts going through his body.]