illicitly | (Reply)

From:

You are an adult, Jin Guangyao. How you manage your feelings and your relationships with other people is not my responsibility. It is time that you understood that every choice you make in life has consequences, both foreseen and unforeseen, and learned to cope with them on your own.

Have you already forgotten that you murdered my brother in cold blood right in front of me? That you had his body desecrated to cover up your crime? The same person making love to you here. Da Ge has no idea what the man he is sleeping with is capable of doing to him. No one here is because I have taken on the burden of keeping secrets for you here as well.

The fact that I am not telling Da Ge what you are or what you did to him before and after his death is a tremendous act of mercy toward you as it is. I show you compassion every moment that passes by that I do not speak to him about the full scope of who you really are.

You know how much he means to me. How much losing him destroyed me. You of all people understand how painful it is to be where I am. I put myself in this position for your sake, not mine. To honor the friendship we once had. To accept responsibility for the lives I've harmed or ended because of my own choices.

Yet you continue to push and test the limits of what mercy I am capable of giving you.

Don't you dare pretend to me that any of this has a thing to do with concern for my feelings.

So long as my brother remains safe, I will not interfere with your relationship with him and I'll go on lying so you can keep indulging in this little fantasy you have that things will work out between all three of you this time around.

As for what I said in the dream, you and I both thought we were other people at the time. What does it even matter. It's not like anything would ever come of it, anyway. It would be better for both of us to let it go. Dwelling on it further will only bring on more pain to both of us in the end.

[He hates typing on this stupid thing so that's one more thing he's doing for your benefit and not his own, Jin Guangyao.]