illicitly | Open RP Post

He's starting to get used to this, being called beautiful, being valued. After so many years of being called a good-for-nothing, it's been hard to shake but this steady drip of love and affection has gone a long way to healing some of the damage. He twines his fingers with his lover's, just focusing on the comforting warmth of his body against his. Back when they were much younger, just laying together like this as friends had helped a lot, too.

"You're beautiful," he murmurs, giving Ziyao's hand a squeeze. "I'm glad we learned and went through with this."

For a moment, he turns a little shy, turning to bury his face against Ziyao's neck.

"I'm happy with you... For a long time, I didn't we'd ever be like this again. I'm glad I was wrong."

He could only nod, pressing his head against the others.

"I didn't think so either. I am happy with you too. I was wrong about so many things, I want to fix what I can." this was nice and comfortable and safe. This was them when they were only in their twenties talking about art and poetry.

"It feels like a different life back then. We were different people too. We are older and hopefully wiser but I feel just as content sitting here as I did back then."

"Yes... I missed being with you like this. Just being comfortable and talking."

He's still too shy to look at Ziyao directly so he turns to look at their linked fingers instead, a sweet smile on his lips.

"It's so... I don't know how to put it? We're getting married. We're going to have a life together. It seemed so impossible but now I can't imagine growing old with anyone else."

"I realize that so many relationships in the past for me had such deep secrets, that I couldn't be myself. I always had to hold everyone at arm's length. When I am with you I just feel like you know me. Truly know me in a way no one did. In a way that I did not allow them to.

I just... I'm really grateful. I can see us growing old together. You paint while I play music. Our grandchildren by our feet. I never thought I could have that before." he lifted up the linked fingers to his lips and kissed them.

"We are going to have a life together and I will have your children. We will fill up those halls with so many children that you will never have to worry about it feeling hollow. We will do it together my love, you and I."

"A family... I would like that."

It's still odd to think of Ziyao having his children after knowing him as a man for so long but after the island, it's easier to accept. Explaining his wife to his sect and the cultivation world will be tricky but they'll figure something out. Right now, he just wants to enjoy this.

"How many children?" he asks in a dreamy tone.

It was odd to think of himself as anything but a man but he will adjust, he always did. It would be easier in their society if he presented as a woman and would allow no talk about their relationship straying into deviancy. The ability to have children was a boon. They needed the heirs.

"Hmmm... Lets see." one fo Da-ge, one for A-Song, one for A-Yu, one for A-Su and perhaps one for his dear mother... "At least five, though I fear I may have to bear as many as I took someday."

"Five?"

Huaisang blinks a bit in surprise though he's not sure why. Of course, Ziyao would want lots of children and he's not exactly opposed to it... though that is a surprisingly high number.

"Are you sure? Each baby will be risky, my love. I don't want you to endanger yourself too much..."

Childbirth is dangerous and he can't help but worry about his love overdoing it.

"How about three to start...? Of course, we can adopt, too, can't we? Lots of babies could use care and opportunities and it'll be less strain on your body."

He cuddles closer.

He remembered A-Su's pregnancy and childbirth and has seen many deliver babies. "Alright. Three to start with." He kissed his hair softly again.

"Would we be able to adopt some brothel children? I want others to have the opportunity for an education." He wrapped his arms around Huaisang. "I do not want my previous life to cause others who came from humble roots to suffer."

He closed his eyes as he lay next to him.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," he murmurs, relaxing into the embrace. "We can adopt some brothel children. I was already thinking of it... Giving them more opportunities to prove themselves would be a good thing and result in less tragedy."

As privileged of a life he's led, his mother was a concubine before his father had promoted her to the position of wife after Mingjue's mother had died. He'd grown up the lesser of the brothers as a result until his mother's fortunes had changed. Had his father been less righteous or kind, perhaps his own life would've mirrored his lover's.

"We'll have the resources. Some budget adjustments might need to be made but it would be worth it. I can sacrifice some finery for our family."

For all his love of beauty and luxury, family is what's most important to him at the end of the day. And Jin Ziyao is part of that family. Soon in a more official capacity.

"You were, were you? I am so glad. It feels like we have similar values. I know we can do a lot of great things together." he presses another kiss into his soft hair.

"Once we settle back in I can look over the budget. There may be places we can curb expenditure and deals we can make to bring in more prosperity." this was what he was best at.

"I may have some hidden assets back from my previous life that I can open a new account for philanthropic work. I think I really need to make up for what I did to Sisi and the others... I would like to use the funds to make certain there are more options for people like my mother...And for children like me."

He nuzzled into him relaxing.

"If I have anything to do with anything you won't have to sacrifice much, you have made too many sacrifices already my heart."

Perhaps it's the ghosts from his past that are always haunting him that makes him feel like he's not giving enough. Or the scars left behind from years of being stretched far beyond his limits and relentlessly pushed toward unattainable goals that continue to make him doubt himself.

After a moment, he kisses Ziyao's neck before murmuring against his skin.

"Even now I wonder how much I've truly sacrificed when others are less fortunate than I. How much more I can give up to make everything right again with everyone I've hurt."

A brief pause.

"But if I can give a home, a voice, and opportunities to those truly in need of them, I think that would make me happy."

He's always wanted his life to hold some sort of meaning, deep down.

"You know it is not really a competition. There will always be those more fortunate and less fortunate than us.

You have sacrificed yourself for years. Your peace of mind for a lot of things. Fighting alone so very long. And even before that, you had to sacrifice yourself to what society had asked of you. Please do not minimize what you have been through my love.

No more of that. You are going to shine and be happy in being yourself.

And if we can make changes that help others then all the more wonderful. We can never make up for the terrible choices we had made but we can work for a world that which people would ideally have to suffer less. We will have to work with others through this type of venture. On the micro-level, we can perhaps open up education opportunities for those talented but with no means.

I want Jin Ling's generation to not know war. I want to be able to keep our family safe and happy."

Open RP Post

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