illicitly | Open RP Post

Of course, Huaisang fears what his ancestors would think. To wed a man who had murdered one of their own, even to protect him from his brother's wrath is a complicated matter. He wants this, however. A partner, a family. Being able to continue his clan's line. No one would approve of such a match for him but he wants this life, this man he's loved since he was a confused boy only just starting to learn what love and loyalty meant.

"I'll announce I'm going on a trip to the elders tomorrow. It'll give us a chance to pick up a few things for the ceremony. I know a place we can go to wed undisturbed. There's an old hunter's cabin in the woods I visit when I need to get away."

He's going through with this, he's decided, regardless of his anxiety. He's been an outlier all his life, frequently alone and feeling out of place within his own sect and family. But just as Huaisang is his lover's home, his lover is also his home now.

"The wedding robes might be a little less ornate but sketches of our parents and other things can be used. We can drape the cabin in red and make our wedding bed beautiful for us."

"That sounds lovely. I need to go and get my things from the inn as well. Make me a list and I can work on collecting things in town. I do not mind our robes being less ornate. I would bow in bloody rags as long as I am with you.

We need to find the next auspicious day for us to marry."

It was complicated. Thier families were intertwined in blood and hatred and love. They were bound in the same way. He closed his eyes as his love laid out a plan. He lived his life trying to do what his mother wanted for him. To please his father to marry well and be a great nobleman.

He wanted this for himself. He took a deep breath and turned to him.

"A-Sang...I need to find Mama's bones. I can paint her from memory, but I have to place her to rest before I can bow to her." He hadn't asked the diety to bring here there, because of the sexual nature of that land.

When he first met Huaisang on the island he had said he had her whole and somewhere safe.

"I would have liked her to meet you. I know she would have loved you A-Sang."

"She's safe. I buried her at my cabin so animals wouldn't ravage her. She's there, waiting for you."

A flicker of guilt crosses his expression. In his rage, he'd thought to desecrate her as his brother had been but in the end, he hadn't been able to go through with it. Still, that he'd even considered such a brutal act toward an innocent woman would love him.

"She's safe," he repeats softly. "You'll be able to bow to her."

He doesn't ask about Jin Guangshan.

"I'll make a list before we part tomorrow and look into a date."

He lets out a soft sob he didn't know he was holding him. Into his lover's shoulders, just allowing him to feel the emotions he had held in for so long. In some ways he never got to grieve her and others he grieved her every single day.

"Thank you. Thank you A-Sang," he whispered softly, before wiping his tears with a hand.

He would have rather bowed to his elder brother. Jin Zixuan who had held him wanted him than the father who didn't. He was a bit sad to leave him behind on the island, among the many others they loved. He was grateful for the time he had with them.

"Okay.

That sounds lovely. I'll get everything we would need for a wedding. Should I get your favorite foods and wine? How well-stocked is the cabin? It will probably need cleaning as well."

Huaisang catches his lover's hand in his own and brushes a kiss across the knuckles.

"If you want to, love. I'll see to it that we're well-stocked with Yunmeng spices upon our return. The cabin has enough food to last us for a time but I fear that nothing there is suitable for a wedding feast."

He tries to remember when he'd last thought to stock the place. It was so long ago, even before he'd been whisked away to the island.

"Perhaps we should stop by the market along the way and pick up some things before we go."

Another soft kiss to the back of his hand.

"There are blankets and cloth and paints, however. Supplies for capturing wild birds, at least."

"Okay, that sounds like a good idea. I'll get what I can ready from the markets after a bath, we can meet in front of the large inn at the edge of town. I'll be in a different form, but we can read one another's thoughts.

I'll grab some supplies to hunt and fish as well. We will make a wonderful feast. I haven't felt this excited in so long my love. I cannot wait to show you my gifts for you." he leaned forward to kiss him once deeply, smiling.

He stood up then and stretched his legs out. His back was sore but he felt content. He walked over to Huaisang's table to retrieve a small knife, cutting off a bit of long brown hair. He quickly braided the strands together and walked back.

He kneeled in front of him and tied the small braid of hair to his wrist.

"This way you won't have to worry that this was a dream. You will know that I am here with you my love." His eyes shone as he regarded him before standing up and shapeshifting into a bird.

His lover knows him so well. How can anyone understand what Huaisang needs so perfectly? But it's always been like that between them, hasn't it? The other man understanding thoughts and feelings that Huaisang himself struggles to understand much less voice out loud. His best friend, the love of his life, soon to be his spouse as long as they live.

The room feels cold and empty again as soon as he's gone and Huaisang immediately touches the braid on his wrist to reassure himself. This is real. All of this is real. Jin Ziyao is in love wih him and wants to be with him, even after everything. He's alive and they're going to be wed. It's not an act or a betrayal.

It takes him some time to get ready: sketches of his parents, a pair of fine goblets, a bottle of his best wine, plenty of oil, gold jewelry and enough money to purchase an adequate amount of red fabric to adorning the matrimonial bed along with food. Once he stuffs it all into a qiankun bag, he heads out to inform the elders that he'll be away on a personal matter for a week or two. While they're not particularly happy to see him take another trip so soon, they're accustomed enough to his absences to not put up too much of a fuss.

After his arrangements are made, Huaisang heads out to the agreed meeting place, dressed down for travel, and waits in front of the inn for his lover to appear.

Ziyao flew into his room without anyone else noticing his absence. The first thing he did was transform back into his borrowed form and request a bath.

He had time to think about things in the tub. Nie Huaisang was with him and wanted to marry him. His mother was safe and he can bow before her with the man he truly loved. His heart fluttered in his chest. Thier love-making was always so intense. But it felt like he had come home in a way he had never felt before. He knew he wanted this.

He never wanted something so badly before and if he had to live his whole life in a feminine form to be with him he was willing.

After his bath, he took out any jewelry he had from the island that was not a betrothal gift so he could sell for supplies. There were a few places he had hidden money in his former life that should be undisturbed he can reach later if he needed.

For now, he grabbed a bit f breakfast gathered his belongings, and went about the market to attain supplies for a wedding. After all of his tasks were done he came back to the inn, walking up to his lover and squeezing his hands.

"Are you ready? I can get a carriage ready. I bought the supplies we needed." the carriage would afford them a bit of privacy at least and he dared not mount Hensheng here.

The new lovers had spent thier first night in an inn and enjoyed a nice meal together. It was a blessing from the gods that they even had this impossible chance to be together. Jin Ziyao was in his own form in the privacy of the room, fed and happily snuggling against his fiance.

"We have come a long way to be right here. I would not give it up to be anywhere else you know," he pressed his lips against the other's hair. "The gods have allowed me to be with someone so wonderful. I hardly deserve it."

It's cozy, warm, and peaceful - a blissful reprieve from the pressures of leadership that he's always so conscious of in the Unclean Realm. Outside the walls of his ancestral home, Huaisang feels like he can breathe again and just enjoy the company of his lover. He smiles softly, content, at the feeling of Ziyao's lips against his hair.

When he speaks, he tilts his head to look at his beloved, gaze tender.

"We have. I'm glad you're with me again. It was so hard without you..."

"I'm glad too. I was scared that you wouldn't be...you." his fingers moved through his hair gently. He couldn't believe it.

"As difficult as the island was I feel that we learned so much about ourselves and one another. I was so blind before A-Sang, I'm sorry." he kissed his hair again soft and sweet. his fingers moving to find his lover's. "I thought I wanted the world. But I just want this."

"You are so beautiful Nie Huaisang."

He's starting to get used to this, being called beautiful, being valued. After so many years of being called a good-for-nothing, it's been hard to shake but this steady drip of love and affection has gone a long way to healing some of the damage. He twines his fingers with his lover's, just focusing on the comforting warmth of his body against his. Back when they were much younger, just laying together like this as friends had helped a lot, too.

"You're beautiful," he murmurs, giving Ziyao's hand a squeeze. "I'm glad we learned and went through with this."

For a moment, he turns a little shy, turning to bury his face against Ziyao's neck.

"I'm happy with you... For a long time, I didn't we'd ever be like this again. I'm glad I was wrong."

He could only nod, pressing his head against the others.

"I didn't think so either. I am happy with you too. I was wrong about so many things, I want to fix what I can." this was nice and comfortable and safe. This was them when they were only in their twenties talking about art and poetry.

"It feels like a different life back then. We were different people too. We are older and hopefully wiser but I feel just as content sitting here as I did back then."

"Yes... I missed being with you like this. Just being comfortable and talking."

He's still too shy to look at Ziyao directly so he turns to look at their linked fingers instead, a sweet smile on his lips.

"It's so... I don't know how to put it? We're getting married. We're going to have a life together. It seemed so impossible but now I can't imagine growing old with anyone else."

"I realize that so many relationships in the past for me had such deep secrets, that I couldn't be myself. I always had to hold everyone at arm's length. When I am with you I just feel like you know me. Truly know me in a way no one did. In a way that I did not allow them to.

I just... I'm really grateful. I can see us growing old together. You paint while I play music. Our grandchildren by our feet. I never thought I could have that before." he lifted up the linked fingers to his lips and kissed them.

"We are going to have a life together and I will have your children. We will fill up those halls with so many children that you will never have to worry about it feeling hollow. We will do it together my love, you and I."

"A family... I would like that."

It's still odd to think of Ziyao having his children after knowing him as a man for so long but after the island, it's easier to accept. Explaining his wife to his sect and the cultivation world will be tricky but they'll figure something out. Right now, he just wants to enjoy this.

"How many children?" he asks in a dreamy tone.

It was odd to think of himself as anything but a man but he will adjust, he always did. It would be easier in their society if he presented as a woman and would allow no talk about their relationship straying into deviancy. The ability to have children was a boon. They needed the heirs.

"Hmmm... Lets see." one fo Da-ge, one for A-Song, one for A-Yu, one for A-Su and perhaps one for his dear mother... "At least five, though I fear I may have to bear as many as I took someday."

"Five?"

Huaisang blinks a bit in surprise though he's not sure why. Of course, Ziyao would want lots of children and he's not exactly opposed to it... though that is a surprisingly high number.

"Are you sure? Each baby will be risky, my love. I don't want you to endanger yourself too much..."

Childbirth is dangerous and he can't help but worry about his love overdoing it.

"How about three to start...? Of course, we can adopt, too, can't we? Lots of babies could use care and opportunities and it'll be less strain on your body."

He cuddles closer.

He remembered A-Su's pregnancy and childbirth and has seen many deliver babies. "Alright. Three to start with." He kissed his hair softly again.

"Would we be able to adopt some brothel children? I want others to have the opportunity for an education." He wrapped his arms around Huaisang. "I do not want my previous life to cause others who came from humble roots to suffer."

He closed his eyes as he lay next to him.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," he murmurs, relaxing into the embrace. "We can adopt some brothel children. I was already thinking of it... Giving them more opportunities to prove themselves would be a good thing and result in less tragedy."

As privileged of a life he's led, his mother was a concubine before his father had promoted her to the position of wife after Mingjue's mother had died. He'd grown up the lesser of the brothers as a result until his mother's fortunes had changed. Had his father been less righteous or kind, perhaps his own life would've mirrored his lover's.

"We'll have the resources. Some budget adjustments might need to be made but it would be worth it. I can sacrifice some finery for our family."

For all his love of beauty and luxury, family is what's most important to him at the end of the day. And Jin Ziyao is part of that family. Soon in a more official capacity.

"You were, were you? I am so glad. It feels like we have similar values. I know we can do a lot of great things together." he presses another kiss into his soft hair.

"Once we settle back in I can look over the budget. There may be places we can curb expenditure and deals we can make to bring in more prosperity." this was what he was best at.

"I may have some hidden assets back from my previous life that I can open a new account for philanthropic work. I think I really need to make up for what I did to Sisi and the others... I would like to use the funds to make certain there are more options for people like my mother...And for children like me."

He nuzzled into him relaxing.

"If I have anything to do with anything you won't have to sacrifice much, you have made too many sacrifices already my heart."

Perhaps it's the ghosts from his past that are always haunting him that makes him feel like he's not giving enough. Or the scars left behind from years of being stretched far beyond his limits and relentlessly pushed toward unattainable goals that continue to make him doubt himself.

After a moment, he kisses Ziyao's neck before murmuring against his skin.

"Even now I wonder how much I've truly sacrificed when others are less fortunate than I. How much more I can give up to make everything right again with everyone I've hurt."

A brief pause.

"But if I can give a home, a voice, and opportunities to those truly in need of them, I think that would make me happy."

He's always wanted his life to hold some sort of meaning, deep down.

"You know it is not really a competition. There will always be those more fortunate and less fortunate than us.

You have sacrificed yourself for years. Your peace of mind for a lot of things. Fighting alone so very long. And even before that, you had to sacrifice yourself to what society had asked of you. Please do not minimize what you have been through my love.

No more of that. You are going to shine and be happy in being yourself.

And if we can make changes that help others then all the more wonderful. We can never make up for the terrible choices we had made but we can work for a world that which people would ideally have to suffer less. We will have to work with others through this type of venture. On the micro-level, we can perhaps open up education opportunities for those talented but with no means.

I want Jin Ling's generation to not know war. I want to be able to keep our family safe and happy."

Frustration was an everpresent emotion when it came to Wei Wuxian, even more so now with how the other behaved and he could almost taste it most of the time. It didn't matter what he said or how he tried to reason with him, he did whatever he wanted to. It was a slow building anger that had never quite abated but he managed to temper it.

That was until he'd turned a corner in the inn when he was looking for Huaisang and Wei Wuxian and the color drained from his face as he watched. They didn't see him, not even after Wei Wuxian had left but that didn't stop the frustration flaring into actual rage, although he swallowed it down. This could wait until after they were no longer guests of the Jin sect. He wasn't going to ruin this for Yanli, not after everything else she'd been through already.

Still his anger was enough that he let himself drink more than he should to try and drown it, to forget the image seared into his mind and he almost succeeded, making it through the banquet and actually leaving on his own.

At least until he saw Huaisang in one of the hallways back towards where their rooms were. He was probably looking for Wei Wuxian and that thought was enough to have Wanyin picking up the pace until he trapped Huaisang against one of the posts.

"Why is it always him?" The question is sharp but he doesn't give Huaisang a chance to respond, his mouth finding the other's before he can speak.

It'd been an impulsive risk, seeing Wei Wuxian off with a liplock at the door without a stitch of clothing on his body but Huaisang had still been running high on good emotions then. And he's always trying to work on being bolder and more assertive. It was a good opportunity and it made him feel empowered for a change.

It was nice. Even if it was messy and he and Wei Wuxian were fumbling, it was fun. After years of loneliness, uncertainty, and constant worry about his brother's safety while he was stuck in the Cloud Recesses and completely reliant on others for news from the front, fun is what he wants. Fun is what he needs. Huaisang can only take so much seriousness and dire circumstances before his mind feels like it's going to explode.

It happens so fast. One moment Huaisang's on his way to relax and enjoy a little alone time in his room, introvert that he is, and the next he finds himself pinned to a post and a pair of unfamiliar lips on his. At first, he's too shocked and flustered to truly register what is happening, much less the words or just who is kissing him so fiercely without his consent.

After a few seconds pass, it finally registers that it's Jiang Cheng kissing him and he's even more confused.

What the fuck.

"Get off me," he manages to growl the first chance he gets, putting his hands on Jiang Cheng's shoulders and giving him a shove, though he pulls a lot of his strength. This is his friend, one of the few he has, and he doesn't want to hurt him, even if he's most definitely trampling over Huaisang's boundaries here.

Open RP Post

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Post Erku PSL- A talk.

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phoenix hunt things

cw: gonna toss in a noncon kiss/dubcon warning for this thread, just in case