It certainly sounds more appealing to him than the drudgery of handling this turf war. It's been difficult to stay motivated to continue a fight that isn't his. If not for his obligations to the living back home, Nie Huaisang's performance might be just as lackluster here as it'd been publically back home. Some days, it takes multiple reminders that the future of his clan is at stake. And stubborn quelling of the thoughts of just how sad and lonely his life back home truly is.
The contact feels nice though. Until his arrival here, it'd been many years since he'd been in a frame of mind to enjoy such things. What Jin Guangyao is talking about sounds nice though. There is a lot going on in the city, it seems. The clan politics is the same as ever but there's so many bright lights, businesses, and everyday wonders to explore.
"Thank you," he murmurs solemnly at the statement. "I'm doing my best but it hasn't been easy. This conflict with the Shuten Clan has been overwhelming on top of the Night Parade."
The apparent assassination and chaos surrounding it had aggravated so many painful thoughts and feeling. While he was pleased to see the Daitengu had survived, it'd been demoralizing to get so upset over something that ultimately amounted to nothing.
"I want to explore this world when I can. There seems to be so much to see and do. So much to learn about this place given the opportunity to explore it. The more understanding I have of this place, the more I'll be able to contribute."
"I think so too. Take it as part of the research. But let's explore and have fun. It has been so much lately. I want us to experience good things as well. Like when we would play in Lanling or Qingge when we were younger and you would wheedle me into buying you presents." he laughed softly.
He led the both of them to the restaurant. It had a traditional Japanese facade and served omakase. The Kitsune that ran it were dressed in formal yukata and the friendly hostess welcomed them in.
They were led to a nice private seat overlooking a koi pond. The atmosphere was lovely and there were musicians playing the koto.
Finally settling in, Jin Guangyao smiled across the table. "This place is lovely, isn't it?"
It is a lovely atmosphere, peaceful and relaxing, just what Nie Huaisang needs to soothe his nerves and recharge. He's smiling as they're seated, just taking a moment to enjoy the pretty music and serene surroundings. It's the kind of atmosphere he tries to create for his customers, one that's restful and helps them clear the mind of their troubles. And he certainly needs to be able to cleanse himself of stress as well.
"It's been so long since I've had the chance to just play and not worry about anything... Those outings were nice, though. It felt good to just get away and not think about burdensome things."
"Of course. There was no one else I would rather be here with," he said. Sincerely, he had surprised himself when the words came out. But he supposed it was true. It felt nice to be here relaxing with someone who understood him. Someone he had known for so very long.
The kitsune hostess handed them a menu of drinks, the meal was chosen specially by the chef after all. Jin Guangyao went ahead and ordered a bottle of expensive sake, keeping Huaisang's preferences in mind.
"It was nice for me as well back then. I was under so much pressure with everything that going on those outings was a breath of fresh air for me.
I really did enjoy your company. It was one of the few times I could really spend some time with someone who was on a similar level to me...I mean, a second son. Even Er-ge was a sect leader. With you, I could just talk about art and beautiful things. It was nice." he spoke softly, taking a hand and resting it on the other man's.
The hand on his surprises him a little though he's not sure why. Nie Huaisang feels his face grow a little warm but doesn't pull his hand away. Maybe it's the nice surroundings getting to him combined with reminiscing about simpler days.
"I enjoyed spending time with you, too. Those visits were such bright spots in my life in Qinghe. I was always so bored and lonely and everything always felt so dreary. Decorating my room to be more suitable to me helped."
He hadn't felt so out of place with a room that looked and felt like his own. That collection of fans, scrolls, and porcelain had meant so much more to him than simple material gifts. They'd been a reflection of himself and symbolic of the fact that someone accepted and cared for him just as he was.
"And it was already nice to get away from Qinghe. Every time I'm there, it feels like the walls are closing in."
His ancestral home had an oppressive feeling that had driven him to pursue passions beyond the traditions held within it. He's always had a bit of rebellion in his, embolded through the influence of those around him.
"Lanling felt like that to me much of my life. Not oppressive in the same sense, but all the gold hid a rot that festered throughout the walls deep in its bones." he shook his head a bit. It was the first time he admitted it out loud.
"The irony of it. I spent so much of my early years to be there but while my father lived it turned into a gilded cage. And even after his death I just knew it was a castle;e built on sand and just the slightest breeze could send everything crumbling. I had really thought I would be happier...But those dreams turned into ash.
Spending time with you was wonderful and I am grateful that we can do this now. Even after it all. I missed you in Hakagemachi. I'm glad for this. Thank you Huaisang, for what you did during the parade. I know I wasn't easy to handle when I get like that." he paused as their drinks and some soft-shelled crabs and agedashi tofu were served in front of them.
The food looks delicious and of much finer fare than the humble meals they tend to eat at home. Not that he isn't grateful for Jin Guangyao's cooking or doesn't like it. It's been a big relief to not have to worry about cooking for himself on top of everything else. Besides, all he knows how to make is soup and roast meat over a fire.
"I'm glad that I was able to help you. I couldn't leave you to just struggle on like that... Not with everything I know about you. We're not enemies any longer. Here, we are of the same clan, on the same side."
Of course, it runs deeper than just that but it's still a lot to face and admit to himself, much less out loud. Though after a moment, he feels that he should say something. Such an open confession warrants another in turn.
"I... I know I'm not easy to handle either. When I get agitated or when I get stressed... I can be pretty difficult sometimes but I'm grateful for everything you do for me. You've been taking care of me for so long, even after coming here... And helping me out during the turf war. I'm very thankful for it all and I appreciate all that you do."
He blurts the words out, licking his lips nervously after they're in the air.
Jin Guangyao went ahead and served him first, settling some soft-shelled crab and tofu on the plate before serving himself. It was true the meals he was cooking at home were mostly cheaper ones, with meat and vegetables that he bought on sale days to stretch the money they had further. Perhaps when they had more to spare he would buy a small hot pot and fresh lamb. It would be a nice change of pace from what they were eating. He also wanted to cook more protein-rich food for Huaisang's health.
"We are. It is strange being in the same clan again. But I like it. I feel at home in our little place. More so than I have in a long time.
Huaisang I take care of you because I like doing so. You haven't had an easy hand and if I can help you I want to...Thank you. Saying you appreciate me means a lot to me." He took a bite of tofu and Koemi's reaction was visible in his tails wagging cheerfully.
"I know everything is a lot. but I am happy you are here." he squeezed his hand again as more food was served. This time bluefin tuna sashimi, unagi, and a variety of other fresh fish.
Nie Huaisang's lips curve in slight amusement at the wagging tails. He's grown used to Koemi's inescapable presence during their interactions but there's a lot that still feels mysterious to him. However, he's come to the conclusion that the huli jing isn't a threat to either him or Jin Guangyao. In a way, it's been like having an additional ally within the clan.
"It's a good spread," he agrees, hesitantly squeezing back.
While he's certain they're taking the best path for them both under these circumstances, it's hard to ignore than needling inner voice that reminds him incessantly that Jin Guangyao still committed crimes against his clan and he can never forget that. But after a decade of maintaining that endless mantra during every interaction, particularly ones where he found himself genuinely relaxing or feeling good in the man's presence, he's exhausted. It's time he moved forward in his life again.
"So many of these dishes look good... I don't know where to even begin," he admits. "And thank you. It's different being valued here. No one back home thinks I'm good for anything at all."
Jin Guangyao picked at a piece of fish placing it over the rice enjoying the fresh sea flavor. Koemi wanted more tofu so all he could do was oblige, and she chittered happily in his head. He gave a soft laugh. While in Hakagemachi he had to deal with the fact that she was supposed to take him over entirely, not it felt like they were just sharing this body.
"I would start with the white fish, the flavor is so nice and light. I really missed seafood."
His brows furrowed. "Is that true? I thought you would have shown your true abilities after my death."
"I've only just started," he says as maneuvers some of the white fish onto his plate with the serving chopsticks. "It caused a bit of a stir. No one expected me to be good at organizing ceremonies or conducting rites, much less as skilled as Old Man Lan."
It's only a small demonstration of what he's capable of and to be compared favorably to a respected elder and esteemed teacher of the Gusu Lan Sect had been a great compliment. But also a little worrying, too, since with recognition also comes expectations. Nie Huaisang's always been keenly aware of the pressures that come with leadership and responsibility and harbored doubts about his abilities to meet them. A desire to avoid that extra scrutiny and burden has played a major role in his preference to downplay his abilities and present himself as far more incompetent than he actually is. It's a long-held defense mechanism and one he's finding himself backsliding into here as well as Tenkohime needs and expects more of him.
What if his best isn't good enough? It was never good enough in the past, back home. What reason does he have to believe things will be any different here?
"I suppose I'm still getting used to it. You know what people have always thought of me."
A useless good-for-nothing. The unprepared leader who caused his clan to fall into weakness and obscurity through sheer incompetence. Of course, there was way more to the situation than the public knew and they were always keen to spread unfounded rumors but being surrounded by such a negative perception of himself, however false, has still left its mark on him.
"That is a good compliment. It must have been jarring to just bury us and then see me here." he did not ask if any lit incense or burned paper was for him. It was something Wei Wuxian has said in Hakagemnachi and he cried over it in the beginning. There was no one to give offerings to his mother either...
He refocused on his food instead.
"I can understand the anxieties of being seen as such. It comes with expectations and tongues and opinions." It was why he worked so hard as Chief Cultivator to quell any rumors about him, with swiftness. Why he has had to become the perfect gentleman and wipe away the very core of any whoreson mannerisms he may have had, from his fast and melodious Yunmeng accent to scraping down the callouses in his hands with a stone so it had the illusion of a man who had never worked. It was the price he paid to protect himself and his family, but in the end, it didn't matter at all.
"I think it will get better as you go. This is your true self, doing what you are good at. Being what you are good at. And I know leadership feels daunting but you will grow into a fine one.
Whether that is back home or here. I always knew you had it in you." He ate quietly, humming softly as he chewed.
"You will find a style that works for you. It will not be Da-ge's style, Er-ge's style, or even my style of leadership. It will be your own, from watching all of us and hopefully learning from our follies.
But I will remain by you should you need guidance, while here at least. It would be good for you to know the ins and out of the chief cultivator's position and what it may entail. I would rather be happy to leave the world in your capable hands lest a greedy man takes it."
The work he's doing for Tenkohime is good experience for his position back home, he knows. Learning how to work with others in a group instead of relying only on himself and his own resources to achieve goals is a skill he needs to develop. Manipulation and diplomacy only get a politician and leader so far, Power means nothing wihout the strength and discipline necessary to maintain it, no matter what form that takes.
No matter how skilled he is at running his sect, Nie Huaisang leads only because it is his birthright. Without the blood of the Nie Clan coursing through his veins, he would have never been in a position of authority in their world. The chief cultivator position is different. To fill the now vacant seat, he has prove himself worthy enough to secure the votes of the other sect leaders first.
"i need to learn how to work with others," he says after a moment with a sigh. "I've worked alone for so long or relied on subordinates that followed my orders without question. The inner workings of the Tamamo Clan are so different from anything I've known."
But he's slowly getting used to it in the course of his work on the turf war. Working alongside Young Master Gao, Lady Musashi, and Jin Guangyao himself have helped.
"I have some ideas but little experience working overtly with other leaders. I have no intention of abusing my authority once the position is in my grasp. Too many of our number are hungry for power and acclaim. This type of avarice is counterproductive to peace and harmony."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
The contact feels nice though. Until his arrival here, it'd been many years since he'd been in a frame of mind to enjoy such things. What Jin Guangyao is talking about sounds nice though. There is a lot going on in the city, it seems. The clan politics is the same as ever but there's so many bright lights, businesses, and everyday wonders to explore.
"Thank you," he murmurs solemnly at the statement. "I'm doing my best but it hasn't been easy. This conflict with the Shuten Clan has been overwhelming on top of the Night Parade."
The apparent assassination and chaos surrounding it had aggravated so many painful thoughts and feeling. While he was pleased to see the Daitengu had survived, it'd been demoralizing to get so upset over something that ultimately amounted to nothing.
"I want to explore this world when I can. There seems to be so much to see and do. So much to learn about this place given the opportunity to explore it. The more understanding I have of this place, the more I'll be able to contribute."
no subject
He led the both of them to the restaurant. It had a traditional Japanese facade and served omakase. The Kitsune that ran it were dressed in formal yukata and the friendly hostess welcomed them in.
They were led to a nice private seat overlooking a koi pond. The atmosphere was lovely and there were musicians playing the koto.
Finally settling in, Jin Guangyao smiled across the table. "This place is lovely, isn't it?"
no subject
It is a lovely atmosphere, peaceful and relaxing, just what Nie Huaisang needs to soothe his nerves and recharge. He's smiling as they're seated, just taking a moment to enjoy the pretty music and serene surroundings. It's the kind of atmosphere he tries to create for his customers, one that's restful and helps them clear the mind of their troubles. And he certainly needs to be able to cleanse himself of stress as well.
"It's been so long since I've had the chance to just play and not worry about anything... Those outings were nice, though. It felt good to just get away and not think about burdensome things."
no subject
The kitsune hostess handed them a menu of drinks, the meal was chosen specially by the chef after all. Jin Guangyao went ahead and ordered a bottle of expensive sake, keeping Huaisang's preferences in mind.
"It was nice for me as well back then. I was under so much pressure with everything that going on those outings was a breath of fresh air for me.
I really did enjoy your company. It was one of the few times I could really spend some time with someone who was on a similar level to me...I mean, a second son. Even Er-ge was a sect leader. With you, I could just talk about art and beautiful things. It was nice." he spoke softly, taking a hand and resting it on the other man's.
no subject
"I enjoyed spending time with you, too. Those visits were such bright spots in my life in Qinghe. I was always so bored and lonely and everything always felt so dreary. Decorating my room to be more suitable to me helped."
He hadn't felt so out of place with a room that looked and felt like his own. That collection of fans, scrolls, and porcelain had meant so much more to him than simple material gifts. They'd been a reflection of himself and symbolic of the fact that someone accepted and cared for him just as he was.
"And it was already nice to get away from Qinghe. Every time I'm there, it feels like the walls are closing in."
His ancestral home had an oppressive feeling that had driven him to pursue passions beyond the traditions held within it. He's always had a bit of rebellion in his, embolded through the influence of those around him.
no subject
"The irony of it. I spent so much of my early years to be there but while my father lived it turned into a gilded cage. And even after his death I just knew it was a castle;e built on sand and just the slightest breeze could send everything crumbling. I had really thought I would be happier...But those dreams turned into ash.
Spending time with you was wonderful and I am grateful that we can do this now. Even after it all. I missed you in Hakagemachi. I'm glad for this. Thank you Huaisang, for what you did during the parade. I know I wasn't easy to handle when I get like that." he paused as their drinks and some soft-shelled crabs and agedashi tofu were served in front of them.
Tofu!!!!
no subject
"I'm glad that I was able to help you. I couldn't leave you to just struggle on like that... Not with everything I know about you. We're not enemies any longer. Here, we are of the same clan, on the same side."
Of course, it runs deeper than just that but it's still a lot to face and admit to himself, much less out loud. Though after a moment, he feels that he should say something. Such an open confession warrants another in turn.
"I... I know I'm not easy to handle either. When I get agitated or when I get stressed... I can be pretty difficult sometimes but I'm grateful for everything you do for me. You've been taking care of me for so long, even after coming here... And helping me out during the turf war. I'm very thankful for it all and I appreciate all that you do."
He blurts the words out, licking his lips nervously after they're in the air.
no subject
"We are. It is strange being in the same clan again. But I like it. I feel at home in our little place. More so than I have in a long time.
Huaisang I take care of you because I like doing so. You haven't had an easy hand and if I can help you I want to...Thank you. Saying you appreciate me means a lot to me." He took a bite of tofu and Koemi's reaction was visible in his tails wagging cheerfully.
"I know everything is a lot. but I am happy you are here." he squeezed his hand again as more food was served. This time bluefin tuna sashimi, unagi, and a variety of other fresh fish.
"Look we are getting spoiled tonight."
no subject
"It's a good spread," he agrees, hesitantly squeezing back.
While he's certain they're taking the best path for them both under these circumstances, it's hard to ignore than needling inner voice that reminds him incessantly that Jin Guangyao still committed crimes against his clan and he can never forget that. But after a decade of maintaining that endless mantra during every interaction, particularly ones where he found himself genuinely relaxing or feeling good in the man's presence, he's exhausted. It's time he moved forward in his life again.
"So many of these dishes look good... I don't know where to even begin," he admits. "And thank you. It's different being valued here. No one back home thinks I'm good for anything at all."
no subject
"I would start with the white fish, the flavor is so nice and light. I really missed seafood."
His brows furrowed. "Is that true? I thought you would have shown your true abilities after my death."
no subject
It's only a small demonstration of what he's capable of and to be compared favorably to a respected elder and esteemed teacher of the Gusu Lan Sect had been a great compliment. But also a little worrying, too, since with recognition also comes expectations. Nie Huaisang's always been keenly aware of the pressures that come with leadership and responsibility and harbored doubts about his abilities to meet them. A desire to avoid that extra scrutiny and burden has played a major role in his preference to downplay his abilities and present himself as far more incompetent than he actually is. It's a long-held defense mechanism and one he's finding himself backsliding into here as well as Tenkohime needs and expects more of him.
What if his best isn't good enough? It was never good enough in the past, back home. What reason does he have to believe things will be any different here?
"I suppose I'm still getting used to it. You know what people have always thought of me."
A useless good-for-nothing. The unprepared leader who caused his clan to fall into weakness and obscurity through sheer incompetence. Of course, there was way more to the situation than the public knew and they were always keen to spread unfounded rumors but being surrounded by such a negative perception of himself, however false, has still left its mark on him.
no subject
He refocused on his food instead.
"I can understand the anxieties of being seen as such. It comes with expectations and tongues and opinions." It was why he worked so hard as Chief Cultivator to quell any rumors about him, with swiftness. Why he has had to become the perfect gentleman and wipe away the very core of any whoreson mannerisms he may have had, from his fast and melodious Yunmeng accent to scraping down the callouses in his hands with a stone so it had the illusion of a man who had never worked. It was the price he paid to protect himself and his family, but in the end, it didn't matter at all.
"I think it will get better as you go. This is your true self, doing what you are good at. Being what you are good at. And I know leadership feels daunting but you will grow into a fine one.
Whether that is back home or here. I always knew you had it in you." He ate quietly, humming softly as he chewed.
"You will find a style that works for you. It will not be Da-ge's style, Er-ge's style, or even my style of leadership. It will be your own, from watching all of us and hopefully learning from our follies.
But I will remain by you should you need guidance, while here at least. It would be good for you to know the ins and out of the chief cultivator's position and what it may entail. I would rather be happy to leave the world in your capable hands lest a greedy man takes it."
no subject
No matter how skilled he is at running his sect, Nie Huaisang leads only because it is his birthright. Without the blood of the Nie Clan coursing through his veins, he would have never been in a position of authority in their world. The chief cultivator position is different. To fill the now vacant seat, he has prove himself worthy enough to secure the votes of the other sect leaders first.
"i need to learn how to work with others," he says after a moment with a sigh. "I've worked alone for so long or relied on subordinates that followed my orders without question. The inner workings of the Tamamo Clan are so different from anything I've known."
But he's slowly getting used to it in the course of his work on the turf war. Working alongside Young Master Gao, Lady Musashi, and Jin Guangyao himself have helped.
"I have some ideas but little experience working overtly with other leaders. I have no intention of abusing my authority once the position is in my grasp. Too many of our number are hungry for power and acclaim. This type of avarice is counterproductive to peace and harmony."